© Linda Ellinor, 2022
The World Needs Dialogue! Four: Putting Dialogue to Work
ISBN: 978-1739991159
Context
Six or seven years ago, when I was living in Arizona and coming back to California for family gatherings at Thanksgivings, my niece, Tina, told me that Ann, her sister, was being ostracized that year. What? (!) How could this happen? My brother’s family consists of six kids. I couldn’t believe that my brother wouldn’t allow one of his kids to come to Thanksgiving. Tina tried to explain, but I needed much more explanation.
I started calling family members for their versions of the story. I talked to some of the other nieces and nephews and found that it was all true. No one wanted Ann to attend. She was too disruptive, too critical of everyone. Everyone was sick of the darkness she brought to such gatherings. She was no longer wanted there. I was shocked.
When I checked in with Ann, she was still planning on traveling to California for Thanksgiving, even though she knew she wasn’t welcome. As I explored her feelings about this, she thought being ostracized was outrageous. But she was unwilling to own her part of the feelings that had been generated within the family interactions.
Aim
It occurred to me that, perhaps the day before Thanksgiving, we might plan a “family Dialogue.” I had a clear vision of what it might look like and how I might facilitate it. My goal was to build some Dialogue skills: listening, suspending judgment and attuning to underlying assumptions that were getting in the way of the brothers and sisters actually having a good family time together.